


Say Hello to Heaven

by Aelia_Gioia



Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Afterlife, Character Death, Comfort, Dark, Family, I'm still crying from writing it, M/M, Tearjerker, but still beautiful, rough read
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-14
Updated: 2021-03-14
Packaged: 2021-03-22 11:53:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,425
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30038292
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aelia_Gioia/pseuds/Aelia_Gioia
Summary: This one is maybe the darkest piece I've ever written.But I needed a good cry.Ian's in the ICU after an accident. His siblings are hoping for a miracle.
Relationships: Carl Gallagher & Ian Gallagher, Debbie Gallagher & Ian Gallagher, Fiona Gallagher & Ian Gallagher, Ian Gallagher & Liam Gallagher, Ian Gallagher & Lip Gallagher, Ian Gallagher & Monica Gallagher, Ian Gallagher/Mickey Milkovich
Comments: 10
Kudos: 56





	Say Hello to Heaven

“Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Chicago O’Hare. It is a comfortable 72 degrees and the local time is 11:04 am. We’ve arrived about ten minutes early, you’re welcome. If this is your final destination, enjoy the Windy City. If you’re continuing on from here, we wish you safe travels. As always, thank you for flying with us.” The flight attendant’s cheerful tone was grating on Fiona’s nerves.

How could anyone be so perpetually happy when the world was falling down around her shoulders?

She hadn’t slept or eaten in at least the last 18 hours since she’d received the phone call that shattered her. Destroyed her. What the fuck was she going to do?

She didn’t do it more often than twice a year but the next time she was scheduled to fly home from Miami was supposed to be for Carl’s wedding that fall. V was going to pick her up at the airport, they’d get day drunk and yes, then she would go see her family in time for the rehearsal dinner. She really liked his fiancée, Stephanie. She wouldn’t be able to get back again for Christmas so she had planned on buying everyone gifts and bringing them back with her for a dual celebration.

But now, she didn’t even have a suitcase with her. All she had were the few things she could throw into a backpack before running to the airport to get on the first available flight. The only bright spot was that she could afford to purchase the last-minute ticket that took her from Miami to Boston to DC and then finally to Chicago.

She was tapping her fingers; her knees were bouncing as she waited for the flight attendant to open the door and she was one of the first people to jump out of their seats and run up the jetway into the terminal. She would have knocked an elderly lady with a walker over to get off that plane. She ran through the terminal as fast as she could to the exit. Once outside, she didn’t see a single taxi.

Fucking Uber, fucking Lyft – where were all the taxis?!

She gave up and took off running for the nearest L station.

“Gallagher, Ian Gallagher,” she said to the guard at the security desk. She was panting hard and leaning her upper body against the countertop, trying to catch her breath. The blonde man held one finger up at her asking her to wait a minute and Fiona seriously considered biting that finger off but then she’d be in jail and she’d never get up to the room to see her brother.

“Family or friend?”

“Family. Sister,” she said brushing her wild hair off her face with both hands. Her fingers got snagged in it as she smoothed it all up into a knot on top of her head and she secured it with an elastic from around her wrist.

The man nodded and gave her a clip-on Visitor’s badge and the room number. Fiona gave the quickest nod of thanks before taking off towards the elevators.

Carl was sitting with Franny in chairs just outside of Ian’s room. He smiled for a second when he saw her. It was probably the first smile he’d been able to muster since it happened.

“Aunt Fiona!” Franny got up from the chair, ran towards her and latched around her waist in a hug.

“Hi Sweet Pea,” Fiona said, trying to maintain an upbeat tone of voice that wouldn’t scare her niece. “It’s good to see you. How are you?” She didn’t wait for an answer. She took Franny’s hand and they walked over to Carl.

Her tough, punk-ass, veteran cop brother held his arms out for her and started crying into her shoulder as soon as she was close enough.

“I don’t know what I’m gonna do, Fi. I don’t know what we’re gonna do...” he repeated over and over.

“I’m here, Carl. We’ll figure it out. It’ll be ok.” She pet his hair and rubbed his back. When he regained his composure, she looked towards the open door.

“Are you going to come in with me?” She asked.

“Can’t,” he said. “Debbie’s in there and somebody has to stay out here with Franny.”

She tapped his cheek, thinking that it had a lot more to do with him not wanting to face the reality of what was going on inside that room.

“Is Liam coming home?” Fiona asked.

“The chaperones are trying to get him a flight but it might take another day. His team was doing really well in the tournament, I hated to even call him. I’m glad you’re here, Fiona.”

“Of course I’m here. Just because I left doesn’t mean...” she stopped mid-sentence and he nodded at her. His phone rang and he nearly jumped out of his skin. He took a few steps away from the open door before answering.

“Hey Stef...yeah she just got here...”

Fiona took a giant, stuttered breath before she walked in the room. She was not in any way prepared for what she saw.

Ian’s face was almost unrecognizable; bruised and swollen and purple – so purple. One arm was in a cast bent over his chest, the other arm was covered in small cuts and bruises. There was a big white brace around his neck, he had a tube down his throat and all sorts of wires connected to him. Her breath was stolen right out of her and she flattened herself against the wall as if she’d taken a heavy blow to the stomach with a sledgehammer. The sound she made made Debbie turn around. She gasped and her already pink tear-streaked face got even more pink when she saw her big sister. Debbie couldn’t talk, she could barely make noise anymore, she had cried so much. She got up from her seat by the bed and much like Carl, she grabbed Fiona and shook with silent, tearless sobs.

The constant out-of-sync beeping of all the machines put Fiona’s teeth on edge.

_Beep. Beep. Beepbeep. Beep._

She watched the heart monitor moving and one that tracked brain activity which indicated that Ian was still in there, somewhere. Probably.

Carl leaned into the room to get Debbie’s attention. “I have to run out. I’ll be back before visiting hours end.” She nodded, understanding that nobody was going to be there to sit with Franny in the hallway. Carl turned to leave and she stopped him with a hand on his wrist.

“Aren’t you going to say good bye? To Ian?” She pointed at him with her free hand.

Carl squeezed his eyes shut tight and took a deep breath. It hurt to even glance in Ian’s direction, never mind get up close to talk to him. His eyes traveled back to Debbie’s and he shook his head before he walked away. Debbie paused there for a second, watching him walk down the hall. She turned back to Ian.

“Ian I’ll be back. Love you.” She sniffled as she exited and Fiona heard her tell Franny it was time to go home.

The ten-year-old’s cheerful voice came from the hallway and it made Fiona dizzy and nauseous.

“Bye Uncle Ian!”

A few seconds after Debbie left, Lip walked in. He wasn’t expecting to see Fiona just then so when his eyes locked on her, he cracked.

“I....I...” He sank down to his knees in a motion so fluid and rapid, Fiona wasn’t sure he hadn’t fainted until she heard the sobbing. She rolled both of her lips inward and bit down, trying so hard not to break. She was trying to convince herself that she needed to stay strong for everybody else, but the truth was that if she let herself cry, she might never stop. She rushed to Lip and knelt with him; her arms draped protectively over his back.

“Lip, you couldn’t have done anything... It just happened,” she said reading her brother’s thoughts. He and Ian always had a particular bond between them, more so than any of the others. No matter how old they got, Lip thought of Ian as still being the young kid who followed him around and looked up to him like he was practically a god. Some god he was. He couldn’t keep Ian safe and now faced losing his kid brother altogether.

Fiona cupped his cheek and he raised his eyes to meet hers. “I’m here now, what do you need? What can I do? What are the doctors saying?”

“It’s not good, Fi,” he lowered his trembling voice. “Head and neck trauma, broken arm, broken hip, shattered ribs. And Jesus Christ, look at his face.”

“How fucking fast was the car going?”

“I dunno. The cops haven’t caught the motherfucker. But they’d better find out who did this before I do...” Lip clenched both of his fists as his eyes filled with rage and sorrow and then rage again. “Fiona, I don’t know what I’m gonna do without him.”

“Don't think like that. Ian’s going to be ok. He’s going to come back to us.” She squeezed Lip’s shoulders, trying to reassure him but he wouldn’t look at her. She exhaled and went to occupy the chair Debbie had been sitting in when she first arrived.

She tentatively slipped her hand under Ian’s but was afraid to give it a squeeze. Her brother’s body had already been through so much, she didn’t want to be the cause of any more pain.

If he could even still feel pain.

“Ian? Ian, it’s Fiona. I’m here buddy. Can you wake up for me? Hey...Ian?”

She moved her hand to delicately brush the hair off his forehead but found it caked with blood. She thought she saw his eyes twitching under his eyelids and it was almost enough for her to convince herself that he was just sleeping. She thought of all the times she’d sat on his bed and read to him when he was sick as a child. She’d sit there long after he fell asleep just watching.

“Ian if you don’t fucking wake up...” she choked more tears back still terrified of what might happen if she let them fall. She hadn’t let herself cry yet in all the frenzy to get home. She put her cheek against the back of Ian’s hand and kissed it as it lay against the stiff, white hospital sheets. Lip stood behind her with a hand on her shoulder.

* * *

“Ian?” the sing-song voice sounded familiar and it made Ian turn. He couldn’t tell where he was – he had to shield his eyes - everything was so bright. Why was it so bright?

And who was calling his name? He didn’t see anyone.

“Ian...” the singsong voice was coming from a different direction this time. He turned toward it and...

“Mom?”

Monica Gallagher was standing there in tight blue jeans and a flowing white peasant top. Her hair was clean and long and pulled back into a French braid the way she wore it when Ian was little.

“Ian, it’s so good to see you.” She opened her arms expecting a hug but Ian didn’t move. He just looked at her, stunned.

“Mom, what’s going on? Where am I? Where are we?”

Everything around them looked like a blank canvas or a sfumato painting composed of different shades of brilliant white. It looked like everything was obscured by a fog, only the fog didn’t dissipate when he moved around.

“This is the last stop, my beautiful boy,” she said.

“The...what...?”

Suddenly he understood.

He flashed back to jumping out of the back of the ambulance in his EMT gear, carrying his heavy rig case in his hand. When it happened, he didn’t see the speeding car that came along. He didn’t feel himself get hit, flip over the roof of the car or slam down on the pavement hard. He didn’t feel it when his pants leg snagged on the bumper and he was dragged a few feet before the fabric gave way. He didn’t hear Sue’s scream. He didn’t hear all of the sirens or see the lights as police cruisers arrived on the scene.

He watched it happen to himself from above, like he’d left his body and he was watching this horrific thing happen to him. He watched the bruises form and the blood flow. He saw his broken arm twisted in a wholly unnatural angle but he couldn’t feel any of it. He watched as Sue started CPR on him, calling his name every time she took her mouth off of his to do the chest compressions. He put his own hand over his sternum and pushed inward. He couldn’t feel his own heartbeat.

“Mom...am I in heav-”

“Not quite heaven, baby. This is more of a waystation. Just another L stop on your way to your final destination.” She giggled and was beaming at him.

He missed that giggle. Her eyes were blue and crystal clear – she was sober.

“Mom, you look...”

“Thanks. It’s one of those things that happen once you get here. There’s no booze and no drugs but...I like it anyway.” She winked.

“Why are you here?” He asked, still trying to wrap his brain around what he was seeing.

“In this place, Ian, you get to be with the people who you love the most. It’s actually pretty great. My junior high school boyfriend is here. First guy I ever loved.” She wrapped her arms around herself, looking blissful.

“But...Mom...everyone I love is still -”

“Oh, Ian. They’re working on it. You might get to go back, it happens sometimes.” She shrugged. “Medical science is finicky. You don’t know how many times Frank has made the same go-round.”

“You mean I’m not -”

She smiled at him and shook her head. “But you might prefer to stay here. It’s so much nicer than down there.”

“I can choose? Who would choose to be dead when they can be alive?”

“It’s really hard being alive, Honey. Up here is...nicer.”

“What about Lip? And Carl and Debbie? Liam? Fiona?”

“They got along fine without me,” she said, still smiling this Stepford wife smile that was starting to unsettle him.

“Yeah but you were never there, Mom.” Tears sprang to his eyes and he let them fall down his cheeks without wiping them away. They seemed to evaporate before they dripped onto his grey t-shirt.

Monica stumbled backward from him looking shocked, like she hadn’t seen anyone sad in forever. As Ian thought about it – she probably hadn’t. Who could be sad in heaven, right? He closed his eyes and reminded himself that he’s not in heaven. Wherever the fuck he was, Monica had said it was like a waystation – somewhere in between.

He isn’t dead. Not yet.

Purgatory? Was that the word? He’d only gone to three Sunday school classes before Fiona gave up.

“I wanna go back.”

“Don’t you miss me, Ian?”

“Yeah, Mom I do but I don’t miss all the crazy shit you and Frank used to do. I’m angry at you that you left us. I’m angry that I inherited a mental illness from you – and I can’t control it – I know you couldn’t either, but...”

“Oh Ian! That’s the best part! That’ll be all behind you here. There’s no sickness, no mental illness, no pills, no doctors – except the dead doctors.” She chuckled again. “We’re all whole and happy and free.”

It was infuriating how cheerful she was but Ian pursed his lips and thought.

“Really? I’m...I’m healthy up here? I’m normal?”

“Yeah, Honey. I don’t know how you’re so upset, or crying. That doesn’t happen up here. Must be because you’re new. It’ll fade.” She reached out her hand and he reluctantly took it. He almost expected his hand to swoop right through hers as if she were made of mist. A look of surprise popped up on his face when he felt her skin, warm and solid. She looked serenely happy and laced their fingers together.

They walked and talked for what felt like hours. Monica apologized for every little hurtful thing she had ever done to him. Things he couldn’t even remember; things she’d done when she was pregnant with him.

When she finished, she breathed a sigh of relief. “There,” she said. “Amends made, just like in an NA meeting without all the terrible coffee. I feel better.” She looked lighter somehow, brighter.

Even though it was probably all a hallucination; a dream, a nightmare, Ian did feel better hearing her apologize.

They turned some kind of corner and he was suddenly shielding his eyes when his surroundings went from foggy white to crisp, clear blues and greens. It looked like they were in a park but it didn’t look like any park he could remember ever going to. They kept walking and he saw trees appear, and squirrels. He thought he even heard the sound of running water somewhere in the distance.

“This is my favorite place. It’s so peaceful. I like to come here and lay in the grass and feel the sun warm my skin again. You’ll like it here too, I promise.”

Ian looked around and took it all in. The sun did feel good beaming down on him; it was the first thing he could actually feel since he’d arrived. Monica watched him, looking so proud as he crouched down and ran his fingers through the soft, cushy grass. He startled as a grasshopper appeared on his finger and jumped back down again. He ran his fingers through his hair and let one of his knees touch the ground. He looked around and squinted his eyes a little. He found the source of the sound of running water. A clear lake was nearby, complete with a perfect storybook waterfall.

Ian stood up to his full height and turned to Monica.

“So how do I do it?” he asked quirking an eyebrow up at his mother.

She turned to him and tilted her head. “Do what?”

“How do I get back in my body? How do I leave here and go back? I want to go back, Mom. Everybody I love is still -”

“Everybody?” For the first time since he’d seen her again, she looked upset and crossed her arms over her chest.

“I didn’t mean you, Mom. But yeah – they're all still down there. I was going to help Liam with his college applications. I wanna see Franny and Freddy graduate from school. Carl’s getting married-”

“Ian, look,” She said gesturing around them. “Isn’t it pretty? Isn’t it nice here?

“Yeah, it’s nice, but forgive me if I don’t want to spend the rest of eternity in a park with my mother. I wanna go back!”

“Well, this is just _my_ reality, Honey. You can make it look however you want it. What do you want to see? Just imagine it.”

* * *

“Miss Gallagher?”

Fiona turned at the sound of the doctor’s voice. She had swapped places with Lip and he was slumped down in the chair, staring at Ian with one hand over his mouth. The doctor indicated towards the hallway with a nod of his head.

“Lip, are you coming?”

He shook his head, his eyes not leaving Ian for a second. “I don’t want him to be alone.”

She nodded and tucked her hair behind her ear as she followed the doctor out of the room.

“Your brother’s injuries are quite extensive.”

“But he’s going to be fine, right? He’s going to wake up and be fine...” She looked over her shoulder at the doorway and back to the doctor.

“If he regains consciousness, and that is a big ‘if’, he might not ever walk again. The CT scan shows extensive damage his vertebrae and there’s the matter of his broken hip. The bones didn’t just break, Miss Gallagher. They’re in pieces. If he walks, he will have a very pronounced limp.”

Fiona closed her eyes and tried not to think of how fast Ian could run and how much he loved to dance. She missed running with him. He was always her favorite dance partner when they threw impromptu parties at the house when the kids were little. She was barely able to swallow, her mouth was bone dry.

“Do you know if your brother has an Advanced Directive?”

“I don’t know what that is,” Fiona raked her hand through her hair.

“Do you know if he wants extraordinary measures to save his life?”

“I...he’s an,” she closed her eyes and swallowed. “He’s an organ donor, I think, but -”

“If the time comes to remove him from life support -”

“We can’t do that. We can’t do anything, make any decisions until our brother comes home. He’s away at a tournament with his school robotics team, we’re trying to get him home.” She was speaking so fast, she couldn’t be sure the words were even making sense.

“You might not have that choice, Miss Gallagher.”

“So what are you saying?”

“The only reason he’s still alive is the fact that he received trauma care immediately following the accident. If he had to wait for an ambulance to arrive, it is likely that he would have expired at the scene. Physically, I’ve seen worse injuries in 35 years of emergency medicine. However, there’s no way to know what kind of damage has been done to his brain. If he makes it through the night...you might find him...altered.”

“Altered? The fuck does that mean, ‘altered’? Like memory loss?”

“I mean, Miss Gallagher that your brother might be in a permanent vegetative state. We need to run some tests but - “

The sound of the alarm ringing from one of the machines actually made Fiona scream out loud. Lip ran out of the room desperately shouting for help. The doctor left Fiona’s side as he and several nurses rushed in to attend to Ian. Fiona clung to Lip for dear life as they watched, helpless from the hallway.

* * *

Ian sat with his back against a tree. He’d removed his tennis shoes and socks and was feeling the grass between his toes. He looked on as Monica sang out of tune (even the afterlife had its limits) and danced, twirling around with her arms extended. He smiled and laughed when she did an impressive cartwheel.

“Ian c’mere!” She flopped down on her back and raised her hand, waving him over.

He got up and walked towards her, finding her spread out in the grass looking like she would have been making a snow angel if the weather were different. She pulled him down to lay next to her.

“What’s that one look like?” She asked pointing up to a cloud.

Ian tilted his head. “Um...a giraffe – no a camel. A camel with a cowboy on its back.” He laughed.

She continued pointing out clouds and he told her what he saw.

A car, a whale, a lobster.

He was getting all caught up in enjoying the long-overdue mother-son time that he forgot that he wanted to go back. Monica rolled to her side and supported her head on the heel of her hand. She looked at him admiringly and stroked his cheek with the back of her fingers.

“My most beautiful man. My Ian. I’m so proud of you,” she cooed.

“You are?”

“Of course I am! I’m very proud of all my kids. Everybody looks like they’re doing great. That little Freddy is a handful,” she laughed and Ian joined in.

“He really is. I guess being Lip’s kid we couldn’t expect anything less, huh?”

Monica watched his expression change, harden slightly. He’d gotten so comfortable but he sat upright quickly.

“You said ‘everybody looks great’ - you mean you can see us all?”

“Uh-huh. It’s easy once you know how.” She rolled to her stomach and started playing with the blades of grass.

“I want to see them,” Ian said not looking at her.

She pursed her lips. “I’m not sure that’s a very good idea.”

“Why not? Why can’t I?”

She sighed and sat up cross-legged next to him. “They’re trying to keep you, Honey. You’re not going to want to stay if you see that.”

He felt like there was something she wasn’t telling him.

“Mom,” he turned her cheek to look at him and searched her face. She might be dead but he could still tell when she was keeping something from him.

“Ian, the accident, what happened to you – you might not be you anymore if you go back. We can never tell when somebody goes back what they’re going to be like.”

“But sometimes they’re ok, right? You said Frank has come and gone a few times...”

“Would you say that Frank is ok or...?”

Ian swallowed hard and raked his hands through his hair. “I want to see them, Mom. I have to know they’re going to be ok...if I stay.”

She smiled when he implied that he might remain there with her. “C’mon.” She got up to her feet and beckoned Ian to follow her towards the water.

She knelt down and traced one finger through the glass-like lake, making ripples. Ian knelt beside her and exhaled nervously as he looked down.

He gasped when he very clearly saw Fiona and Lip sitting in chairs in a white tiled hallway. They weren’t talking or looking at each other but they were holding hands, looking tired and distraught.

“Jesus,” Ian sighed and snapped his lips shut. He shot a sideways look at his mother and she crinkled her nose at him and shook her head with a giggle. “They look...so sad...” he reached his hand out and the image of his brother and sister blurred when his fingers broke the surface of the water. He drew his hand back and eventually the image came back into focus.

Whatever had happened when he disturbed the image, he couldn’t be sure, but when he could make it out again, Tami was there. She and Lip were standing up talking and he was holding Freddy’s hand.

“I can’t hear them,” Ian said staring harder, concentrating.

“It can take a little while before you’ll be able to hear them. But you will. And you can look in on them any old time you want. You won’t miss Carl’s wedding. You’ll be right there when Liam graduates from high school. You’ll -”

Suddenly the sound of hysterical sobbing rang in his ears as loudly as any concert he’d ever been to. As he listened the volume adjusted to something that wasn’t painful. He watched Lip sink down into a chair with his head in his hands.

“Lip, I’m so sorry -” Ian heard Tami say.

“I just want my fucking brother back. I need him to be ok Tami, I just need him. He’s got to be ok!”

Tami dropped to one knee in front of Lip and grabbed his biceps. “You know if anybody can survive this, he can. Ian is strong and he’s young and -”

“But what if he’s a fucking vegetable?! What if it’s not Ian that comes out of the coma? Some fucking drooling stranger?!”

Ian shook his head until he couldn’t hear the voices anymore.

“Mom I’m going back. I have to,” Ian pushed himself up and got to his feet. He took backward steps away from the lake where Monica was still kneeling but now she was looking back at him with a beseeching expression on her face.

He turned and started to run, unsure of where he was even heading until he heard a voice that made him freeze in his tracks.

“You just got here, Firecrotch. What’s the rush?”

* * *

Once Ian was stabilized again, Fiona stood in the corner of his room and called Veronica. She was barely able to keep her shit together as she asked her best friend to please come to the hospital. She needed her more than ever.

“Of course, Fi. Let me drop the girls off with my mom and I’ll be there.”

“Thanks V.”

“Don’t thank me. Kev will come by after he closes the bar. Do you need anything? Food?”

“Can’t eat. I just...I want a fucking drink so fucking bad I might go drink hand sanitizer.”

Lip moved the chair a little closer to Ian’s bed and had a gentle hold of his brother’s battered forearm.

“Do you remember when we were in junior high and we cut class to sneak into a Sox game? That shit was so much fun. We were way up in the nosebleeds and somebody hit a homer...who was it? Shit, I can’t remember anymore. I thought that ball was going to drop but it kept coming and coming until just...plop - right in front of you. And we just looked at each other, stunned. That douchebag tried to snatch it from you but you got it out of his hand just in time – then we got chased out of the stands and halfway across the concourse.” Lip smirked, shaking his head, remembering.

“So um, you gotta come back so we can do that again. We’ll take Fred, even. But he’s on his own if they chase us again, little guy can’t run for shit.” He laughed and a tear rolled down his cheek. He put his free hand over his eyes and tried to breathe but it felt like his entire life centered on whether or not Ian woke up. His laughter muted as the sadness overtook him like a typhoon. He was hyperventilating, his mind racing, unable to stop the flood of panic and regret and things he never got to do or say to his brother. He stood up so quickly the chair was pushed back towards the wall. Lip leaned over the bed, bracing himself with both hands on the mattress. His nose was an inch from Ian’s and he was screaming.

“IAN FUCKING WAKE UP!” His tears cascaded down his face, dropping in torrents on Ian’s face and the blanket that was pulled up over his broken body.

“LIP!” Fiona’s hands pulled at his biceps and he flailed. She lost her grip on him and went flying back against the wall where she hit her back on the chair and she crumpled into it.

Lip looked from Ian to Fiona and the door. Tami was standing there her hands clasped at her throat, shaking as she held her own tears back.

“I’m sorry – I'm -” he pushed past Fiona and Tami barely got out of his way before he plowed her down.

“Daddy!” Fred called as he watched Lip run down the hallway.

“Are you ok?” Tami’s voice broke as she addressed Fiona. The oldest Gallagher sibling nodded and rubbed the sore spot on her back. 

* * *

Ian thought he might have finally felt his heart pounding in his chest. He wasn’t in the park anymore. It was someplace entirely different and took him a second before he recognized it. He was under the bleachers at the high school. As he turned towards the voice, his jaw went slack.

It couldn’t be.

“Mickey.”

He was leaning against the chain link fence with his arms crossed, smirking. He was in jeans, work boots and a black wife beater under a sleeveless hoodie. Ian saw his misspelled name emblazoned on his chest. He sauntered over to Ian with that familiar cocky swagger and stopped a few paces short. 

“Hey.”

“This is impossible,” Ian said. His fingers were itching and his arms were burning and everything in him was ordering him to close the distance between them.

Mickey shrugged one shoulder. “Not as impossible as you’d think. Considering I took a bullet to the brain about a year ago.”

Ian felt the air get knocked out of him. “You’re... Mick, you died?”

He nodded. “Yup. Collateral damage, Gallagher. Workin’ for a cartel ain’t exactly got a retirement plan.”

“I...a year ago? You’ve been dead for a year and I didn’t know?” Ian felt like his chest might just cave in.

“That’s kinda what happens when you go into hiding. Nobody hears from you again. You’re just...” he wiggled his fingers up in the air mimicking smoke blowing away.

Ian swallowed and tried to look away but Mickey held his eyes.

“I dreamed about you. We were...shit...I forget...” He put one hand over his eyes trying to remember.

“The beach. We were on the beach at night. On a blue blanket and we talked and watched the stars until you woke up.” Mickey replied. He looked just the way Ian thought of him. His black hair cut short on the sides with more length on top. His pale skin looking all the paler against his dark clothing. His fiery blue eyes piercing into him. 

“How the – that was you?” Ian’s mind was blown, his cheeks burned hot.

“Seems that when they say that the people who love you can come visit you in your dreams...it isn’t bullshit. As soon as I figured out how I...did.”

Ian felt a warmth fill him up from the inside. "You're saying you love me?"

Mickey tilted his head, looking a little confused. "I never stopped loving you."

Ian smirked. “And you used this amazing ability to visit me so we could hold hands and watch the stars?”

Mickey shrugged a shoulder. “You were dating somebody. Felt weird to do anything else.”

Ian thought he felt something in his heart crack open. He stepped forward until their chests were almost touching. “You’re here.”

Mickey snorted. “You noticed?”

“You haven’t changed.” Ian chuckled.

“I’m dead. That doesn’t mean I’m not going to give you shit, Ian.” The left side of his mouth curled up and he took a small bite of his lip.

With only a little hesitation, Ian cupped Mickey’s cheek, feeling his skin firm and present under his palm. Blue eyes and green eyes locked for the first time in years. Ian felt Mickey’s hands slide around his waist and his fingertips massaged into his back. Their noses brushed against each other and he could practically taste Mickey’s breath.

If it wasn’t real – it sure felt real.

“Can I...can I kiss you?” Ian’s voice was a whisper.

Mickey huffed out a breath and rolled his eyes before he pulled Ian’s mouth down to his in a blistering kiss. Everything felt like it was spinning. Their mouths crashed together again and again with soft whimpers and moans in between each of the kisses that followed the first. Ian’s arms snaked around Mickey’s neck and held him as closely as he could.

* * *

Fiona and Veronica were sitting side by side on a bench out in front of the hospital. Because Ian was in the ICU, only family was allowed to visit and in spite of Fiona’s protests, they wouldn’t make any exceptions. Fiona’s legs were crossed and her foot was shaking and she anxiously chain smoked. The hand that wasn’t occupied with smoking was holding Veronica’s hand so tightly it was almost numb. Veronica wouldn’t complain, even if she were inclined to.

“I shouldn’t have left,” Fiona finally broke the silence. “I shouldn’t have moved away.”

“Fiona -”

“I’m not saying this wouldn’t have happened if I stayed here. I’m saying...I could have had more time with him. The last time we talked was...a week ago. He called me and we talked for just a couple of minutes because I was on my way out the door. I said I’d call him back but I didn’t.” She took a drag and covered her face, as she started to weep.

A pitiful sob left Veronica’s throat and she slid closer to her best friend, wrapping her long arms around her shoulders.

“Shh. Shh...” Veronica started to rock her gently. “Ian’s strong, Fiona. I have faith. He’ll pull through.”

“Why didn’t I call him back? Why didn’t I? I wasn’t busy – I just...”

“Fiona, I’m not going to let you beat yourself up like this. You had no way of knowing what was going to happen.”

Up in the ICU, Debbie and Carl were sitting on either side of Ian’s bed, not talking, not even looking at each other.

“Where’s Franny?” He asked, looking around.

“She’s with Tami. I’m going to spend the night.” She ran her hand back and forth across Ian’s arm watching the pale strawberry blonde hairs moving as she brushed her hand over them.

“Oh.”

“Yup.”

The quiet filled the room again.

“Is Lip coming back?” He spoke again.

Debbie grunted, a little annoyed. She was just trying to be sad about Ian in peace. “I don’t know. Fiona said he took off a while ago. He’s not answering his phone.”

They listened to the constant _beep beep beepbeep beep_ of the machines.

“Hey, um...” Carl started. Debbie looked up.

“Hmm?”

“I um...I love you. You know? Like we fight and stuff but...I um...”

“I love you, too,” Debbie gave him a weak smile. Carl nodded.

* * *

Mickey was laying on his back, resting his head on Ian’s extended arm. Ian rolled to his side and ran his hand along Mickey’s bare chest.

“Didn’t think we’d be able to do that up here,” he joked and ran his hand up to Mickey’s jaw.

“It’s bad enough that there’s no drugs, cigarettes, or booze - so you've had your last vodka tonic - you think people are expected to enjoy all of eternity without fucking?”

Ian laughed and kissed his mouth. Mickey smiled into the kiss and squeezed the back of Ian’s neck. When their mouths came apart, Mickey saw a sudden flash in Ian’s eyes.

“What?”

“I...”

“You still want to go back?” He leaned up on one elbow. His facial expression was very clear: disappointment.

“Mick, I...”

“S’ok. Not your time, Gallagher. Go back.” He got up and was suddenly dressed and started stomping away. Ian looked down at himself and all of his clothes were back on.

“Shit - Mickey- stop!” Ian jumped up to his feet and ran until he was standing in Mickey’s path. “Listen - I’m sorry, I...”

“Ian, you got your family there, man. I get it. All I ever had was you. I can wait.”

“Wait? What do you mean, wait?”

Mickey raised both eyebrows in an annoyed expression that Ian missed so, so much. “You know. Til you die. I’ll just wait for you til you die.”

“You will?”

“Don’t got nothing better to do. I’ll um...come see you. You know. The dream thing.”

Ian knit his eyebrows together. “What if it’s years? Decades?”

“There’s only been one person for me and that’s you. This afterlife thing is fine but I miss you.” He looked away, scratching at his eyebrow with his thumbnail. “Go be with your family.”

“Mickey. Tell me you want me to stay.”

The shorter man lifted his eyes, opened his mouth and closed it again. His eyes shifted towards the ground.

“No.”

* * *

Tami paced back and forth in the front room of the house, stopping only to look out the window. She checked again that the volume of the ringer of her phone was all the way up. She hadn’t heard from Lip in hours. Freddy and Franny were both asleep in her bed.

When the phone started to ring in her hand, she jumped and dropped it onto the carpet. She rolled her eyes at herself and groaned.

“Hello?”

“You should get down here, if you can.”

“Lip?”

“It um...it might be time, Tam. I need you.”

“I’ll call my sister.”

He hung up the phone next to Ian’s bed, turned for the window and that is essentially how he stayed for the next hour. He hugged himself and looked out at the lights of the city, his mind was almost a complete blank. Fiona was laying in the bed next to Ian, singing softly to him. She asked a nurse for a sponge and some water and had carefully washed the blood out of his hair. It was still damp, but clean. Debbie and Carl were leaning against the wall opposite Ian’s bed. He had his arm over her shoulders. After an hour in the chapel, Stephanie came up to the room and carried a chair over to sit next to where Carl stood.

“Has anybody called Frank?” Debbie asked.

Lip scoffed. “What for? Like he’d come.”

She pursed her lips. “What about his real dad? Uncle Clayton?”

“Debs he didn’t do a damn thing for my brother his entire goddamned life -”

“ _Your_ brother? Yours, Philip? Only yours, huh?” she snapped at him. “You’re not the only one losing Ian.”

“You shut the fuck up – we are _not_ fucking losing him. You hear me you little bitch?” He pointed at Debbie and took an aggressive step towards her. Carl stepped in between them.

“Stand down, Lip. I swear to god, you’re my brother and I love you but I will take you the fuck out.”

Lip and Carl faced off, glaring daggers at each other.

“The hell is going on?” Tami stomped across the room, putting herself between the brothers. “I swear to god if you get into a fist fight in here right now Lip – we are _done_. Have a little fucking respect.” She pushed him lightly and he stumbled backward a couple of steps then he looked to the floor, resigned.

Tami’s face was red when she was yelling but the color drained from her face again when she saw Ian laying in the bed, unresponsive. It was just as jarring as the first time she’d seen him. She adjusted her purse on her shoulder and stepped back, kissing Stephanie on the cheek and getting another chair to sit next to her. Stephanie offered Tami her hand, she offered a grateful nod and held it.

The room went quiet except for the incessant _beep beep beepbeep beep._

Tami’s ears perked up first, hearing the squeaking sound of someone running in tennis shoes. She got up from the chair and stood in the doorway.

“Oh thank god,” she sighed, putting a hand over her heart.

Liam was out of breath by the time he got into the room. His eyes darted around, meeting the faces of each of his siblings before settling on Ian. His jaw dropped open and it looked like he might faint. Stephanie stood up from her chair and got him to sit in it.

“How’d you get here? I thought you were having trouble getting a flight?” Fiona asked, sitting up.

“We drove. One of the chaperones rented a car and drove me back,” he replied softly.

“How was the tournament?” Lip asked. He was staring out the window again.

“Um, it was good. I took your advice, Lip. Our robot is kicking regional ass,” he said with a weak smile. Lip turned to him and nodded, offering a similarly fragile smile.

“Proud of you, bud. Ian would be too.” Lip closed his eyes and clenched everything; his fists, his jaw, his shoulders. He and Ian had decided that if Liam's team made it to nationals in New York City, they were going to fly out there to support him.

Again, silence filled the room. Liam threaded his fingers together and stood up. He sat on the very edge of Ian's bed and tentatively rested his hand over the blanket on his brother’s foot.

“Know who else should be here?” Debbie’s soft voice cut through the tension in the room.

All of the Gallaghers shared a look, nodding in agreement.

“Yeah. He should be here,” Fiona said, she propped her head up on her fist. She put her other hand on Ian’s chest, relishing in the feeling of his heart still beating.

“Anybody have any idea how to find him?” Carl asked.

Nobody answered.

“Even if we did, he'd never make it here in time,” Lip said, shaking his head. “He’s somewhere in Mexico.”

Fiona chuckled and looked up at Ian’s face. “I'll say this for him, if he was here, he’d bully Ian into consciousness.”

Debbie smirked. “Yeah he would.”

“Nah. He didn't bully Ian. He loved the hell out of him. Through and through, good times and bad. He was down. Ian’s ghetto wife.” Lip smirked and wiped his eyes on his shirt.

“Who are we talking about?” Tami leaned forward in her seat, a soft smile on her lips.

* * *

“Mickey? Mickey! Hey, Mick!” Ian found himself suddenly in the dark, he was scared and unable to see anything further that the tips of his fingers when his arms were outstretched.

“Ian? It’s time, Honey.” He could hear her but couldn't see her.

“Time for what, Mom?”

“It’s decision time.” He suddenly felt her standing next to him and she linked her arm with his, gently leading him through the dark. When the darkness gave way to light, he saw that they were in the park again. Ian knelt next to the smooth water of the lake.

Ian swallowed a lump in his throat and apprehensively leaned over to look. They were all there: Fiona, Lip, Debbie, Carl, Liam, Tami, and Stephanie in his hospital room, gathering around him. He concentrated harder, trying to hear them. He thought he heard more crying but as the volume adjusted, he realized they were laughing.

“He was talking to us, completely normal and next thing we know, he starts beating on the man who used to own the dry cleaners.”

“He beat up Mr. Patel?!” Carl asked, laughing.

Lip turned to his family, smiling. “Mrs. Patel,” he said pointing to an imaginary woman, mimicking the gruff voice they knew so well. “Will you please jerk your husband off once in a while so he doesn't come back to my rub and tug ever again!?”

Fiona covered her eyes with her hand and laughed hard.

“That is not an exaggeration, _direct_ quote,” she explained to the people who weren't there.

“Remember when he got shot in the ass and that doctor guy came and operated on him in the kitchen?” Carl asked.

“I forgot all about that, somehow!” Fiona pointed, at Carl. “That doctor turned out to be Jimmy’s dad,” she said, shaking her head at herself.

“You guys weren't around when he and I dragged Sammi out of the house and locked her in that moving crate,” Debbie laughed and wiped her eyes. “He never let anybody fuck with Ian. He took care of him.”

“I’ll never forget the look on his face when we told him Ian might be bipolar… It was like…his world ended but he went into immediate recovery mode. He never gave up on him.”

“Woulda jumped in front of that car for him,” Carl added. “For sure.”

“His soulmate,” Debbie nodded.

“I wish he was here. Ian would come back for him.” Lip said, mostly to himself.

“Yeah,” Fiona sniffled and carded her fingers through her hair. She stopped herself from crying by pressing her fingers into her lips. “They loved each other so, so much.”

“So…what do you think, Sweetie?” Monica asked. “See they're just fine. They're laughing.”

Ian narrowed his eyes and covered his face with his hands. This was an impossible decision but he knew what he had to do.

* * *

“Fiona? Where the hell are we?” Debbie’s voice rang out in the dark. “Lip?”

“Yeah, I'm here Debs,” Lip walked cautiously towards her voice.

“Liam, is that you?” Carl spooked when he, touched someone he couldn't see.

“Yeah – ouch! Watch it! That was my foot!” Liam hollered.

“Guys, what is happening?” Fiona looked around but couldn't see a damn thing.

They continued walking and eventually, Carl and Liam found Debbie, then Fiona, then Lip. Their eyes adjusted to the dark just enough for the siblings to see the nearly identical expressions of fear in each other's faces. Joining hands, they kept moving forward until they saw the shadow in the distance. A tall familiar figure was standing there and one by one they recognized him as they got closer.

“Ian?” Debbie squeaked.

“Ian!” Fiona cried.

Lip shook his hands free of theirs and bolted as fast as he could, wrapped his arms around his brother, nearly knocking him off his feet. Ian returned the hug and his laughter filled their ears. It was like having him back for a second. Everyone else hugged Ian tightly when they got close enough. Fiona took his face in her hands and laughed hard seeing his bright green eyes shining at her again.

“I fucking miss you,” she said.

Ian rested his chin on top of her head as he held her against his chest again. “I miss you too. I miss everybody.”

“The wedding wasn’t the same without you,” Carl's voice broke and he wiped at his eyes.

“It looked beautiful. And you left an open seat for me, thanks.” Ian smirked.

“You…wait, you were there?!”

“Um, duh, dumbass! You think I’d miss something like your wedding?” He ruffled Carl's hair, making him laugh.

“Ian, are you a…ghost?” Liam asked, poking him with his finger looking fascinated.

“Not quite. Not quite a ghost. But I wanted to see you guys again, so I'm trying this out. I'm not very good at it yet…hence the spooky ass surroundings. But they tell me I'll get better at it.” Ian turned and looked at Lip. His hands were deep in his pockets and he was just staring at him.

“You mad at me?” Ian asked. Lip shook his head and sniffled.

“Not mad. I just wish you didn't have to go. It hurts. Every day.”

Ian still had one arm around Fiona, who was clinging to him and gripping his shirt in both of her hands like she was planning on dragging him back with her. He lifted his other arm and Lip sank into him.

“I love you guys. All of you, the kids, everyone.”

“Jesus fucking Christ, did I just walk into a Gallagher family Hallmark Christmas movie?” Mickey snarked as he appeared.

“What…is happening?” Debbie said, wide-eyed.

Ian's smile seemed to intensify and he pulled away from Lip and Fiona to take Mickey's hand. They kissed while the Gallaghers looked on.

“You guys are together now?” Liam asked.

“It’s um, it's a long story, “ Ian replied.

“Not really though. We're both dead and now we're together,” Mickey threw a sideways look at Ian.

“Ok, so it's not such a long story,” Ian laughed.

“And what the hell are you doing here? What's with the scenery, George Romero? You're scaring the shit out of them.” Mickey gestured to the void.

“It’s the best I could do. “

“It would have been better if you waited. Like I told you to.”

“I was excited, I wanted to see them!”

“Gallagher - you will _never_ listen to me, not once in your afterlife!”

“This is my fucking visit, Mickey – stop.”

“Stubborn ginger fuck…”

Fiona started to chuckle, then laugh and soon she was bent over, unable to catch her breath from laughing. It broke Ian and Mickey out of their bubble and they turned to her.

“Fi? You ok?” Debbie took a step forward.

She nodded, wiping the tears out of her eyes, trying to catch her breath. “Just the…the thought of you two bickering into infinity…”

Ian smiled down at Mickey, who rolled his eyes and then smiled. Ian put an arm over Mickey's shoulders and the shorter man held his waist.

“You’re ok, then? You're good?” Lip asked.

“Never better. I’m good,” Ian beamed.

Lip took a stuttered breath and nodded his head.

“I'm keeping him out of trouble,” Mickey added.

“Oh, and hey – look!” Ian held up his left hand. He bumped Mickey’s hip with his own and Mickey held up his own left hand. The Gallaghers saw them wearing matching rings on that finger.

“You got married?!” Debbie exclaimed.

“Sort of. It's not like _married_ married but, it’s enough. He's stuck with me.”

Ian looked so proud, so happy and whole, none of his siblings could feel sadness anymore.

“I wanted to tell you all that I'm fine. And I'm watching. Not all the time so don't get weird about it. I'll be there for the important stuff. If you miss me, just look up. I'm there.”

“Love you, Ian.”

“Love you too.”

* * *

The ringing phone woke Lip up, pulling him backwards out of his dream. He tried to stay, tried to claw his way back into it, wanting to stay there in his brother’s presence for a long as possible. There were tears in his eyes as he opened them. He answered the phone, sounding groggy.

“Hello?”

“I just had the most insane dream. You're never going to believe it.”

“I might. I just had a crazy one myself, Fi.” He lifted himself up on one elbow and lit a cigarette.

“Are you smoking inside?” Fiona asked sounding judgmental.

“Fred and Tami are visiting her family in Milwaukee.”

“You didn't go?”

“Wasn’t up to it.”

She sighed into the phone. “What was your dream about? You go first because there's no way it's going to top mine.”

As Lip stared to describe it, Fiona lost her breath. His dream was nearly identical to hers.

“Do you…you don't think that was…real? Like really, Ian communicating with us?” She asked.

“I dunno. Whatever it was…I feel a little better. He looked so happy.”

“Yeah, he did. And Mickey…wow.”

Over the next day or so, all of the Gallaghers talked to each other and confirmed that they had all had that same dream about Ian. They weren't certain what to make of it, but they each said they hoped it happened again.

* * *

“Want to go back in the water?” Ian asked, adjusting the waistband of his swim trunks.

“Not right now.” Mickey casually dragged his fingers through the sand and Ian sat next to him.

"Can I ask you something?" Ian asked, taking a bite of the ripe watermelon. 

"Ayup," Mickey said as he brushed sand off a seashell he found.

"Why didn't you ask me to stay with you?"

"This again? I told you, it wasn't fair. Of course I wanted you to stay but it had to be your choice. I said I would wait for you and I meant it."

"What if...what if I went back and got married and shit? Had kids with somebody?"

Mickey looked down at his hands. "That's the risk I was taking, man."

Ian chewed more watermelon and watched the waves come and go. 

"Why are you eating that?" Mickey chuckled. "We don't have to eat anymore."

Ian shrugged and wiped the juice dribbling down his chin. "It tastes good. Not gaining weight is a bonus. It makes me feel like..." His voice trailed off. "And anyway, I like chewing it. Feels good in my mouth."

Mickey smirked. "I got something you can put in your mouth."

Ian snorted, leaned over and gave him a watermelon-flavored kiss. They reclined, looking up at the cloudless blue sky. They were back on that blue blanket on the beach Mickey created with his memory. They smelled the salt air, felt the hot sun and the sand on their skin.

“Did you ever think all those years ago, that this is where we'd be?” Mickey asked him.

“Dead young and together forever? Yeah, I could have predicted this,” Ian replied, shielding his eyes with his hand. Mickey laughed and poked him in the ribs.

“I love you,” Mickey said, rolling to his side. He curled into Ian's bare chest and traced his foot up Ian’s leg, feeling the tickle of the fair hair on his calf.

“I know.”

There was a comfortable silence but Mickey intuited that something was on Ian’s mind.

“You're still thinking about it.”

Ian sighed. "I just want Franny to pass her math test, she's been so anxious about it.”

“You know you can't help her cheat,” Mickey teased.

“I know. But…I wish I could be in two places at once. I made the right choice but…I still miss them.”

“Soon enough, well not exactly soon but…someday they'll all be up here. Oh god, I'm going to be stuck with Lip fucking Gallagher’s bullshit college boy attitude for the rest of my afterlife.”

Ian laughed. “Mick?”

“What?”

Ian threaded their fingers together. “Love you too.”


End file.
